


From Nowhere

by kisskissfallanddie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, M/M, The 104th band, both homo fo once, cutie marco, different schools, how i met your mother - au kinda, jeans a hottie, lyricist!marco, meanie jeanie, no dragging out of closet required, socially awkward marco, somehow managed to make it a band au now, whats new there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:29:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2131923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisskissfallanddie/pseuds/kisskissfallanddie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As you know my name is Marco Kirschtein and hopefully you as my children are reading this. This in case you hadn't guessed already is my memoir as to how I not only met the love of my life but how my life changed completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Don't be put off by the kind of How I Met Your Mother au thing I got going on here it just needed Marco to have a reason for writing this other than Jean died horribly and this is the only way to deal with it. This is my first ever multi chapter fic, and I might be updating soon because I've already written some of the next chapter.Don't get your hopes up though I'm not very motivated. The rating will definitely go up as Marco explains but this will serve as a prologue so that's why the word count is really low. Quality over quantity or some shit like that. Anyway I hope you enjoy this, kudos and comments are really really appreciated.

As you know my name is Marco Kirschtein and hopefully you as my children are reading this. This in case you hadn’t guessed already is my memoir as to how I not only met the love of my life but how my life changed completely. My world expanded rapidly. I used to think these things happened for a reason but I suppose the whole moral behind this story is to grab life by the scruff of the neck. Believe me nothing happens for a reason. If you want it to happen, make it happen. That’s what your father taught me. But mostly I want to relive falling in love with Jean again because it was the worst and simultaneously the best experience of my life.

 Even when I was young I planned to write about my life in some form or another. I suppose I wanted to leave a legacy, some kind of proof that I existed. Even if nobody read it I desperately felt the need to leave concrete evidence. Maybe this deep rooted need to be remembered stemmed from the fact that no-one in my family lead very remarkable lives. I had recognised this fact very on in childhood and foetus Marco wanted a change. Grandma and Grandpa are wonderful people but I knew I wanted more. More than a house in the suburbs and two children leading normal lives, going to normal schools, having normal friends and doing nothing out of the ordinary. And much to my joy our life together has been far from normal. Ten year old Marco would be proud no doubt. Sorry there kids I went on a bit of tangent about my existential crisis I had when I still a child and didn’t know what existential meant.

Hopefully this book will span over my two years at sixth form, when I was seventeen and eighteen. I might spill it over into my university years but who knows? Words have a way of running onto the page when you don’t mean them to. Warning dear children I will not spare you any details. You’re adults now so I’m fairly sure you can handle the things I‘m going to write about mine and your dads sex life. You should be fine Ava (I know you read fanfiction when you were a teenager) but Ren I’m not so sure (stop pulling faces Ren). So don’t you even dare to put this book down. It’s taken me too long to write for you just to give up after the third paragraph.

 Ok, now we have that sorted lets lay down some ground rules.

1\. This is purely from the mists of my old man memory so don’t expect my story to make complete sense  
2\. I will be graphic  
3\. Ava, you’re an English teacher so try not to correct my awful spelling and grammar  
4\. Don’t ask me any questions about it until you’ve finished  
5\. Definitely don’t tell your dad, he’ll be absolutely mortified as will I. Maybe you could show him if you’ve shoved enough alcohol down his throat but I wouldn’t recommend it.

 And so I shall leave the rest to you, have fun laughing at our expense.

 Much love to you both, my darlings, enjoy the read.


	2. Charmers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco meets Jean for the first time or so he thinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is the next installment nearly 2 months after I posted the prologue. I have no excuse other than pure laziness and lack of motivation so yeh.. I am English so this fic will be set in England rather than America. I'm not gonna pretend for 1 second that I know anything about America other than that what I've read in other fics hence the reason why I'm just going to stick to what I'm comfortable with. If you guys don't understand some of the vocab just gimme a shout and i'll help ya out. thanks fo reading yo. ^-^

_[Well](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdgEkU4q8To)I don't know quite how to impress your type_

_Romantic moves died out in nineteen eighty something_

_We're not quite the charmers that they were_

_Cos we just sit there talking about the weather just to pass the time_

_Save embarrassment by keeping true feelings inside_

_We're not quite the charmers that they were_

 

* * *

 

 

I've always enjoyed watching live music. It makes me feel so alive, to be in a room with a bunch of other people who all like the same music as you dancing and singing along. In those three hours you are there you instantly became connected to everyone in the room. And it's a feeling I thrive off. It certainly helps that  I'm the lyricist for my friends' band the 104th.

The 104th was a group of my close friends: Eren, Connie, Mikasa, Annie and Ymir. They came together during a music project in the first year of high school. When at eleven years old performing Pachelbel's Canon was the most exciting thing ever. I joined later when we were about sixteen. Connie asked me to be the lyricist when they decided to be serious about getting signed. He said to me and I quote "Eren's songs are worse than extremely bad poetry written by a six year old about their dead cat." Connie then proceeded to be punched in the jaw by a furious Eren. 

And that's how I ended up here, stood outside The Garrison Bar in a merciless February's night. 

"Marco?" 

"Yeah."

"Why is it that you always buy tickets even though your technically in the band?"

"Oh right, well mainly because I like to keep the tickets so I can track where we've been and the such like but when I buy one I know at least one person is gonna show up."

"Marco!" Armin gasps. "I thought you were supposed to be the nice one!"

I chuckle at that remark. "I am! I'm helping the ticket sales after all."

"Whatever you say." Comes a mumbled reply. 

I grunt and wrap my coat tighter around me. I turn full circle and scan the line that was beginning to form on the pavement. People of all ages were turning up to watch my band and I couldn't feel more proud. But something caught my wandering eye. Not a something. A someone. A very attractive someone. A tuft of ash blonde hair stood up against the wind and flew around the boy’s sharp face. He stood tall. Almost elegantly. Hands thrust into his camel coloured bomber jacket pockets; he turns his amber flamed gaze to meet mine. _Man alive_ _, he’s beautiful._

 “Who’s beautiful?”

“Eehhh what? Ummm. I…no-one. It doesn't matter. I was just talking to myself” I could feel my cheeks turn red as I fumble over my words and I pray that Armin would just let me be. I wasn't up for another game of let’s get Marco laid. I did appreciate Sasha and Connie’s efforts. It was nice of them. But just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to be with every guy I come across.

Shuffling my feet in an attempt to regain some warmth, I search for the beautiful stranger again, but to my dismay he was gone. I sigh loudly. I really want to just get inside the bar and enjoy my evening, beautiful guy probably wasn't even here for the gig. I make up my mind to forget about him for the night. I came here to support my friends not pine over eye candy I spotted for a matter of seconds. Armin and I inch ever closer to the inviting warmth of The Garrison and I silently curse myself for not wearing a thicker jacket. My mind wanders back to the blonde and his bomber jacket. Now that did look warm. I curse again. _What happened to forgetting about him Marco? But how can I forget that? The fire in those eyes of his. The sharp angular curve of his jawline. The soft mess of golden hair resting lightly on a military style undercut. What would his reaction be if I ran my fingers through his hair as I kissed him softly. Whispering sweet nothings into his ear as I trace patterns onto the nape of his neck._

Heat pools in my abdomen and I shake away the images before anything else happened. I really didn't fancy popping a boner minutes before a gig. Thought consumes me again and I'm only pulled out of the murky depths of my mind by an unfamiliar voice calling my name.

“Hey you’re Marco Bodt right?” My eyes refocuse and suddenly widen when I realise who was stood before me. The very same boy only seconds before I had fantasised about kissing and other things besides that. _Wait how did he know my name?_

“Umm yeah that’s me….” I break off with an awkward laugh and look to Armin for reassurance. Finding none I turned my attention back to the handsome stranger stood before me.

“It’s just that my sister used to babysit you in primary school. I hope I’m not being too weird.”

_Well it’s a bit late for that now, play it cool Marco. But how? The beautiful stranger just came up to me and started spouting stuff about the past._

“What no it's fine. Like totally fine. More than fine. Plenty fine. Umm yeah."

_Gwaaahhh, what the hell did I say that for? Pull it together Bodt. What happened to playing it cool? Why couldn't I just say something like nah it’s cool. Nah it’s cool? What am I? Calm down for crying out loud._

My inner turmoil ends as Armin gives me a swift jab to the ribs. He's gone. The disappointment settles in my gut and I knew I’d ruined my chance.

“Eh?”

“Ticket Marco, we came to watch _your_ band after all.”

“Oh right yeah” I fumble around in my pocket to pull out the crumpled piece of paper.

"Who was that Armin?" I whisper

"How can you not remember? That was Jean Kirschtein!" Armin replies as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I try to think. Jean Kirschtein. Jean Kirschtein. I can't remember anything about this person. I can't remember anything about his sister. He's been erased from my memory. Seconds ago he was some stranger but now he's from my past.

"He was the year above us in primary school." Armin whispers back."And why are we whispering?"

"Oh I didn't want him to hear me." we thank the doorman and head into the dark warmth of the bar.

"He wouldn't have done. He went inside." Armin explains calmly.

"He what?" I practically shout. This can't be happening. He's gone inside? The one place I thought I would be safe from sexually charged thoughts of him. The one place I could forget about everything else and truly let myself go.  "This can't be happening."

" Well it is so your just gonna have to deal with it I'm afraid. You can either stew about it or you can actually make a move." I weigh up the options and decide sulking like a giant baby was the best way to go. I definitely don't want to be having awkward conversations about the past that I couldn't even remember.

The atmosphere inside the bar is buzzing, everyone seems to be genuinely excited for the gig. In the corner of the room is a small stage raised about 1 meter of the floor. A low railing surrounds it. It's worn by many hands clinging onto it during a performance. The walls are painted a rose red with oak paneling coming half way up the walls which gives the bar a particularly homey feel. It's slowly filling up with the bar being the main atttraction at the moment, quite a few people are hanging around it, nursing their drinks as they wait for the gig to start. 

We mooch over to the bar and ordered drinks. I clutch the glass in my hands and search the venue. I soon find what I'm looking for and everything else just seems to melt away. My nervousness, my surroundings, my friends, my fears. Everything disappears and I bask in his fiery gaze.

I bask in his fiery gaze.

That means he's looking at me. Shit I've been noticed. I throw out my best Marco charm smile and hope that satisfies him. Thankfully it does and he turns around. It all comes flooding back immediately. _Oh my God he totally caught me staring. How much does it cost to move to the moon? I bet it's a lot. I can't afford that. He must think I'm such a weirdo. Staring like that. I didn't even try to hide it. Lord have mercy, take my soul as I ascend to heaven because he caught me flat out gawping. I want to die. How can this be any worse?_

I groan and turned away, my cheeks crimson. I'm too absorbed in my own embarrassment to even register his reaction to the whole staring fiasco. 

"Can we just get down to the front already?" Sighing, Armin grabs my hand and marches towards the raised stage.

"Ok Marco you just need to calm down already. I know this guy is beautiful or whatever but now your just being plain ridiculous. Let's just enjoy the time we've got here yeah?"

I nod. Armin always knows what to say to me. I get flustered really easily but he always has the right words to get me back down to reality.

"This is the biggest gig they've had so far. So let's be supportive. This is their night."

Ash haired boy forgotten. I pull out my phone and shoot a quick text across to Eren.

 

**_To: Eren_ **

**_Hey! You excited? There are lots of people here, you guys are gonna be great! Have fun. X_ **

****

**_From: Eren_ **

**_Thanks Marco, you sure know how to calm a guy down. Note to self never read texts from Marco right before a gig. ;)_ **

****

**_To: Eren_ **

**_Break a leg!_ **

****

**_From: Eren_ **

**_This isn't theatre Marco smh_ **

****

**_To: Eren_ **

**_You're going on stage!_ **

****

**** **_From: Eren_ **

**_Alright nerd be quiet now we're coming on. You better start clapping._ **

****

**_To: Eren_ **

**_Maybe .... ;)_ **

****

**_From: Eren_ **

**_Shut up you and I both know you will._ **

****

Before I can tap out another reply, the house lights dim, the crowds murmuring slowly dies out and is replaced by wolf whistles and whooping. Eren walks out onto the stage as the clapping begins and takes his place behind the front mic. He's followed by Connie who stands on his right and slowly the others file onto the stage. Mikasa takes her place behind the keyboard, Annie sits at the drums and Ymir stands on the far side of the stage on Eren's left.

Without an introduction they all take up their respective instruments and begin to play. I recognise the song instantly. It's the very first song I'd ever written and for some unknown reason it's a resounding success. Everyone seemed to love the American pop style vocals from Eren paired with straightforward lyrics, video game style synths and thrumming guitars. It's one of my all time favourites and I sing (or attempt to) with Eren.

_[Yes I will fight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBL3b_wZEDE)for you_

_You and me against the world is nothing new_

_Now and forever true if you'll be mine then I will fight for you_

The first chorus comes to a close and I scan the room for the crowd's reaction. It looks to be going well. Many are joining me in bobbing around to the beat and most don't look bored out of their minds. My eyes turn back to Eren as the second verse starts

 

_So we stand back to back and we smile as they come_

_Cos they planned their attack knowing we've already won._

_Save the girl and the world will be jealous wouldn't you if you knew_

_...._

 

The words fall from my lips as I realise who I'm dancing next to. What have I done to deserve this? Broad shoulders flex beneath a light blue shirt. I gulp. For what seems like the millionth time that night I find myself repeatedly chanting this can't be happening. He was stands to my right but slightly in front. I watch as he pulls out his phone and types a message. It reads,

__**where are you darling? Xxx.** _ _

_Darling._

Who would he call darling other than his girlfriend? But then it could be a pet name for someone else. Connie calls me babe all the time. It has to be something like that surely. But the question in the message. Where are you? Was he meeting them here? But the gig had already started.

Eren's voice continues to fill the air as the music carries on. Connie would soon be coming in with his backing vocals. He got rather.....intense. He practically exploded when I told him he got to sing. So he always went overboard. I'd better warn Jean.

I tap his shoulder gently and I bite my lip nervously as his face turns to meet mine. He looks confused and it doesn't help that I cant't find any words.

"Hey." I finally manage to come out with.

"Hey there Marco."

"Just to warn you about the lead guitarist, he gets really intense so you might get second hand embarrassment. It's actually pretty funny." I conclude, brilliant conversation Marco, m'sure he enjoyed that gem of information.

"Yeah I know."

"You been before then?"

"What? No it's my first time, but I've seen videos."

"Oh cool." And with that he faces forward again.I let out a huge breath I didn't even notice I was holding and tune back into the song. The bridge was approaching and it's my favourite section. The guitar cuts away leaving Eren's soft vocals and Mikasa's piano to match. On the words _now and forever true_ , Ymir slams in with a rough thrumming of her bass line. And slowly everyone else joins. They all sing the chorus in harmony and I feel shivers up my spine. My hair prickles up on end. It's exhilarating. I'm loving every second. I glance over to Jean, he looks like he's enjoying it as much as I am. Looking at him made my heart swell. Eyes bright, fringe plastered to his forehead with sweat and a light pink tinge to his cheeks. I commit the sight to memory. _I want to know you better._

* * *

 

The rest of the gig passes without incident. But during our frenzied dancing we sometimes bumped shoulders and I felt the heat flow through my body for the milliseconds that our bodies were connected.

Eren and the band say their goodbyes as the houselights come back on again. 

"You wanna go help on the merch stand?"

"Yeah that sounds like a plan." Armin replies cheerily. 

We push our way through the crowd to a small alcove which is adorned in all things The 104th. I grab one of the band shirts and pull it on over my own. It's all white with a shield settled on the centre. On top of the shield were two crossed swords. I shimmy around the tight gap between the table and the wall and quickly rearrange the EPs that are displayed there. In keeping with the whole sort of military theme of the band, the three EPs were named, Garrison, Survey Corps and Military Police. Each emblazoned with their own logo similar to the main 104th one. At first I was most taken by the Military Police but soon after Survey Corps was released I changed my mind. Sure I'd written the songs and was heavily involved with the actual creative process but I had no choice in the aesthetic side of things. The Military Police was very appealing to me but there was something not quite right about the feel of it. I knew this much when I played Survey for the first time. It was right. It was a whole. 

 I snap out of my thoughts as girl with soft honey coloured hair and crystal clear blue eyes squeezes her way through the crowd and calls out my name. 

"Marco!!" 

"Hey Christa, how are you?" I ask her with a warm smile. Christa was also practically part of the band. Surprisingly her and Ymir had been together for almost two years. 

"Great Marco! How about you?"

Before I had a chance to answer Armin butts in. 

"You won't get much out of him I'm afraid. He ran into Jean again."

"Oh really? I haven't seen Jean in years! It would be great to see him again actually." 

 _See him again? Had Christa properly interacted with him before?_ I must looked confused because Christa continues before the question leaves my lips.

"You know there were mixed classes in primary school? Well I was in Jean's until year 4 you know." _Christa had known Jean for that long?_ I can't help but feel deflated. I'm jealous.

_Why can't I remember you?_

* * *

 

 

We finish up on the stall and decide to head home. I haven't seen Jean since I started work on the stand and I know it's almost a given that he's left already but I'm so disappointed, when I really shouldn't be. It's the worst kind of disappointment. The kind that settles like lead in your stomach. The kind you can't shake off no matter what you do. The kind that keeps you imagining how things could've gone differently. 

"Shall we head out then?" Armin asks

I grunt in reply. I'm tired and suffering bad withdrawal symptoms from being away from my bed for too long. We make to leave but not before we're intercepted by a certain someone. 

"You guys live in Jinae right?" Jean bites his lip nervously, which is completey adorable, and his eyes dart between me, Armin and the floor. I just stand there like the bloody village idiot, gobsmacked, unable to say a word. Armin saves me again, thankfully.

"Yeah, do you need a lift?"

Jean shifts uncomfortably and nods ever so slightly. "If that's alright with you of course, it's just I've missed the last train and I don't have enough money for a taxi." he explains. 

Armin smiles warmly. "That's completely fine. Right, Marco?"

"Umm yeah it's fine." God, again with the umming, and erring and arrhhing. Bodt, get a grip.

We turn to leave, when Jean notices the EP I'm clutching in my hands.

"OH MY GOD... IS THAT A SIGNED VINYL SURVEY CORPS EP?" 

I've completely forgotten all about it. I've picked up a copy for my grandfather, who being the old man he is only has a record player. Eren and the guys have signed it as a gift. 

"oohh right, yeah. Yeah it is..." I had no idea Jean was such an avid fan. I thought he only came for a cheap night out, but apparently I was wrong.

"Are you not getting one?" I ask as we walk to the exit, I'm creepy staring again but I don't care. Jean's profile is simply stunning. 

"Well my boyfriend said he'd pick one up for me." I jerk my head away from him. The lead weight from before has returned but 100 times worse. I'm conflicted. I'm ecstatic that I actually have a shot with this guy. But I'm so deflated because there is no way I have a shot with this guy.

He has a boyfriend.

He's taken.

Jean will never look at me that way. And that hurts. It hurts a whole lot. I shouldn't be getting this upset. I've known him all of 5 minutes. It's not Jean's fault. It's not his fault I get attached way to easily. It's not his fault I get my hopes up to easily. A huge whoosh of air lets itself out of my lungs and I manage to look at him again. 

"You alright there Bodt?" concern laced his question and a lump forms in my throat.

"Yeah.. m'just tired." I choke out and turn away again. This is my biggest weakness. I'm a massive drama queen. I make a huge deal out of everything, and I eventually crack. Usually a screaming, hysteric, crying fit ensues and it often takes me days to return to normal. It happened all throughout high school. The pressure of GCSE's would build until I couldn't handle it anymore. To top it off I find it insanely difficult to talk about my feelings. I know what I want to say, but I physically can't. I freeze up. I'm the most awkward human being to ever grace this planet.

Walking back to the car is excruciating. I learn all sorts of little tid bits about Jean, from Armin's incessant need to keep talking. I learn we like the same music, where he goes to school (Trost Grammar School), what subjects he's taken, where he wants to go to university, what he wants to do as a job, his favourite foods, his odd taste in TV shows. I just can't believe how compatible I am with him.

Driving home is the worst thing yet. Armin insists that I sit in the back of his old style mini with Jean. I don't have a problem with that. I love the mini. Apart from it's so small, we're pressed together and if I inhale deeply enough I can smell his musky cologne. It's a smell I know I could easily get addicted to. But then Jean is the type of person you can easily get addicted to, it's only natural his cologne should keep up the trend.

* * *

How I managed to fall asleep with Jean in such close proximity is completely beyond my comprehension. The next thing I know, Jean is shaking me awake and I look up at him sleepily as I wipe away the dribble that's run down my face. I'm not going to lie, I do dribble in my sleep. It is the most disgusting thing, and now Jean knows about it. Well isn't that just dandy.

"Hey there Bodt, have a good nap? Didn't realise I was that boring." Jean throws me a lopsided grin as he unbuckles his seat belt. I struggle to think why he's undoing it, my not fully awake brain slowly whirs back into full function.

"Ehh? What no... I.. You're not boring.....it's...ah..uuemme..." I trip up over my own tongue and my cheeks are set alight.

"Don't have an aneurysm Bodt, look I gotta get going now, this is my stop. It was really great meeting you again, I'll see ya around?"

Once again Jean leaves before I get the chance to fully register what's going on.

I catch Armin smirking.

"Shut the hell up, Ar."

"I didn't say anything."

"I know, but you didn't have to." 

* * *

After Armin drops me back at my place, I trudge wearily up to the front door and pull out my key. I'm absolutely exhausted. I unlock the door as quietly as possible and kick off my brown leather brogues. They're my pride and joy but I'm too tired to look after them properly. Flicking on the hall light, I slump about the house, shedding items as I go. By the time I've made it up to my room in the loft I'm just down to my T-shirt and skinnies. I unceremoniously flop onto my bed with a loud whoomf.

I get out my phone and load up Facebook. Finger wavering uncertainly over the search bar, I grit my teeth and do it. I type in the name that's been haunting me the whole evening: _Jean Kirschtein ._ It's the first result. I scroll through his wall. Much to my dismay it's pretty obvious he hardly ever uses it. I move onto his profile picture. It's the most attractive I've seen him, indie filter and all. He looks like he's been caught be the camera unexpectedly. Standing in what looks like an art studio, his hair is pinned back of his face. He's wearing the bomber jacket and the tightest skinny jeans I've ever seen. 

I'm so ridiculous. I'm lying on my bed, stalking some guy I literally just met, blushing over his picture. I see the little green button teasing me. Do I press it or not. That's the question. 

Well it's not gonna hurt right? 

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and take the plunge. 

I lie there for what seems like forever, when I hear the ding of my phone.

_**Jean Kirschtein Has Accepted Your Friend Request** _

Marco Bodt, you are so screwed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the start of the chapter is called Charmers by These Mortal Cities.  
> The song used in the chapter is called Fight For You by I Fight Dragons
> 
>  
> 
> ahahaha marco you poor lovesick baby
> 
> Lingo and shit
> 
> Primary School - for kids age 4-11  
> High School - for teens age 11-16  
> College/sixth form - for teens age 16 -18  
> GCSE- English high school qualifications
> 
> I don't think I've used anything else that isn't guessable, but if ya wanna know let me know xxx


	3. Mist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh, another bajillion year gap between the last chapter and this one. I'm sorry it didn't come out sooner. I'm lazy and a perfectionist which isn't really a good mix. But yeah its here so enjoy! p.s Thanks for the Kudos and bookmarks it really means a lot. Also i found out how many subscribers i have on this and i literally cannot believe that you guys actually want to read this so lots of hugs and kisses from me. p.p.s also i changed tense cos i'm trash and i hate english

Jean Kirschtein Has Accepted Your Friend Request

 

My jaw fell open as I stared at the tiny notification box that was already beginning to fade. He'd actually added me. This is unbelievable. It was probably just gonna be one of those social networking friendships where you occasionally like each other's photo's but it never goes further than that. I was strangely ok with that. Well it's not actually strange to be ok with that. But since I'd been wanting in this guy's pants for the whole night, I think it was ok to be proud of the fact I was fine with our relationship not going further. I was about to shut off my phone, crawl into bed and pass out when a message popped up. Speak of the Devil, it was from the one and only Jean Kirschtein.

 

Conversation Started 19 February

 

Jean Kirschtein

Yo do i know you?

19/02/2014 23:56

 

What the actual hell. My chest tightened. What did he mean by that? Oh God why?

 

Marco Bodt

Literally just dropped you home from the 104th

19/02/2014 23:56

 

Did I reply too quickly? I answered within 30 seconds of getting it. Does that come across as desperate?  _Just calm down Marco, you'll find out soon enough._  I screwed my eyes shut. They snapped open again as the tinny ding sounded.

 

Jean Kirschtein

Okay

Just kidding my acting is too good fo yo

my ears are killing me

19/02/2014 23:57

 

What. Relief washed over me.

 

Marco Bodt

My throat is sooo sore!1

19/02/2014 23:57

 

In an attempt not to seem needy, I killed some time before I typed another message and stalked even further on his profile. I idly swiped through pictures of him and his school friends until, I came across something I really wish I hadn't seen. It was concrete evidence of Jean's relationship. In the middle of a beautiful forest, dappled with sunlight, was Jean locked lips with a taller dark haired boy. Jean's arms were thrown around him, and he was smiling into the kiss. My chest ached with jealousy, but I flicked up the comments and began to read. There was a comment by someone called Lucie Kirschtein saying 'eww i dont wanna see that'. Hmph yeah, you and me both I thought bitterly. Wait... Lucie Kirschtein. Coming out of the mists of time I called my memory was a figure. 

 The figure as it so happens was none other than Lucie Kirschtein. I seem to remember attaching myself to her as a five year old when she was eleven. She was my best friend even though she was six years older. I remember going to the cinema together, playing games, going round each others houses for tea. My head was overflowing with memories of Lucie but not one a single one was of her brother Jean. It was frustrating. So utterly frustrating. I couldn't do the one thing I most desperately wanted to. I felt like I was panning for gold using a sieve with football sized holes in it. 

 

Marco Bodt

I think i remember your sister.. is she called lucie?

19/02/2014 23:59

 

Jean Kirschtein

haha yeah looks like me but with long hair

19/02/2014 23:59

 

Marco Bodt

We went to the cinema together and watched Cheaper By The Dozen!!

20/02/2014 00:00

 

Jean Kirschtein

quality film

20/02/2014 00:01

 

Jean Kirschtein

dude i cant even believe ur taller than me now, i remember when you were a wee babe

20/02/2014 00:02

 

 _Wee babe?_   _Who even said that anymore? Jean Kirschtein you are something else._  Come to think of it, I was a good inch or two taller than Jean. Also how old is a wee babe and how is Jean able to remember that far back anyway? God, I really hoped this feeling of confusion went away soon, I felt so frickin repetitive.  _Yeah Marco, we get it you can't remember Jean, but in all honesty who cares?_

Ugh, late night Marco was always so sassy, I swear I was never like this during the day.

 

Marco Bodt

umm thanks? but im not that much taller :/

20/02/2014 00:03

 

Jean Kirschtein

just take it as a compliment that you seem more mature :0

20/02/2014 00:03

 

Well, this train of conversation was clearly going nowhere and fast. I really didn't get how that was meant to be a compliment. I thought I had better move the conversation onto something more worthwhile.

 

Marco Bodt

so what other music do you like apart from the 104th?

20/02/2014 00:04

 

While I waited for him to reply, I shimmied out of my jean's and tossed them aside. It was really cold up in my loft bedroom and I did a weird thigh rubbing jig in an attempt to keep warm as I tried to locate my pajamas. I found the pants dangling off my desk and the shirt half shoved into my bedside cabinet drawer. Morning Marco really needed to work on his spatial awareness. Not that I was very spatially adept anyway. I pulled on the clothes and hopped straight back into bed, smiling like a fool when I unlocked my phone to read Jean's reply.

 

Jean Kirschtein

ehhhh... bit a of a toughie, i dont really have one genre ya know? like i'll go from heavy metal to Jpop to french rap to indie to dubstep. its a pretty huge mix

20/02/2014 00:06

 

Oh wow. I was not expecting that. I'd totally pegged Jean as a purely Indie rock kid, based on a few of the bands he'd rattled off after the gig. Jpop and french rap? For the life of me I couldn't imagine Jean listening to and  _liking_  Jpop. French rap yeah, but Jpop c'mon. Jean Kirschtein.I listened to Jpop. I thought literally no-one else within a 50 mile radius did. 

 

Marco Bodt 

really? wow thats cool, i'm a bit like that, although not to that extent

20/02/2014 00:07

 

Jean Kirschtein

woah cool, altough im guessing that ur talkin bout the jpop and not french rap

20/02/2014 00:08

 

I shook my head and smiled as I reached to turn off my lamp. My eyes were beginning to get droopy and heavy with fatigue. A part of me really wanted to wrap up the conversation with Jean and call it a night, but another part wanted to keep feeling that rush of excitement that flowed through me whenever he replied.

 

Marco Bodt

wow rude, i could be talking about the rap

20/02/2014 00:09

 

Marco Bodt

who am i kidding? ofc im talking about the jpop 

20/02/2014 00:09

 

Jean Kirschtein

i fuckin knew it, you had a whole jpop vibe about you ngl

20/02/2014 00:10

 

Marco Bodt

jpop vibe? is that a thing?

20/02/2014 00:10

 

Jean Kirschtein

yeah well obvs, if there wasnt then how would i know bout ur jpop obsession

20/02/2014 00:11

 

Marco Bodt

im not obsessed, just moderately interested.

20/02/2014 00:12

 

Jean Kirschtein

yeah sure, you keep tellin urself that.

speakin of moderately interested you knew all the words to every single 104th song, even that brand new one they played. whats up with that?

20/02/2014 00:13

 

I never knew how to answer questions like that. I didn't really like showing off about being in the band. It was never something I felt the need to shout about. I wondered how Jean would react once I told him. If I told him. Would it just be easier to blow it off as being a really big fan? No, I wanted to be honest with Jean.

 

Marco Bodt

yeah about that, i'm kinda in the band

20/02/2014 00:13

 

Jean Kirschtein

kinda?

20/02/2014 00:13

 

Marco Bodt

well i write the songs

20/02/2014 00:14

 

Jean Kirschtein

you write them? shit marco they're amazing

20/02/2014 00:14

 

I flushed a deep red at the compliment. I wasn't really used to receiving such open praise regarding my work in the band. Most people just assumed Eren wrote them. At one point I felt really despondent that I wasn't getting the credit I thought I deserved. But I soon realised it was my own fault as I didn't tell anyone they were actually my words, my sentiments and my heart poured into every syllable.

 

Marco Bodt 

You really think so? jean that means a lot. so thanks

20/02/2014 00:15

 

Jean Kirschtein

yeah, i do really think so

20/02/2014 00:15

 

Jean Kirschtein

sooo... you guys got any important gigs coming up or

20/02/2014 00:16

 

Marco Bodt

yeah actually, we've got a 30 min slot at 3 saints this year

20/02/2014 00:17

 

Jean Kirschtein

what? thats amazing!! I'm going as well

20/02/2014 00:18

 

Marco Bodt

great! are you gonna be in a tent or a camper

20/02/2014 00:18

 

3 saints was a local music festival and the highlight of the social calender at school. It was an unspoken rule that you couldn't be considered cool if you hadn't been at least once. It was a brilliant opportunity for us guys and because we would be playing late on Friday afternoon, it gave us the rest of the weekend to enjoy the music and most importantly (according to Connie anyway) get piss drunk.

 

Jean Kirschtein

tent unfortunately.

20/02/2014 00:19

 

Marco Bodt

well i'll be in a huge camper van/caravan/tent fort if you wanna pop round if the weather goes crappy

20/02/2014 00:20

 

Jean Kirschtein

aaaww ur too sweet. But thanks, i'll be sure to take you up on that offer ;)

20/02/2014 00:20 

 

Jean Kirschtein

tickets are still on sale right?

20/02/2014 00:21

 

Marco Bodt

yeah i think so, but it'd be better to get them sooner rather than later

20/02/2014 00:22

 

Jean Kirschtein

yeah, i just haven't had the chance to get my paws on any yet, i'll do it tomorrow

wait... i mean today \o/

20/02/2014 00:23

 

Shit, Jean was right it was already yesterday's tomorrow. I really needed sleep. I was dropping off in between messages.

 

Marco Bodt

jean, im gonna have to call it a night, i keep falling asleep

20/02/2014 00:24

 

Jean Kirschtein

Yeah i get it, i'll see you tomorrow right?

20/02/2014 00:26

 

Marco Bodt

yeah sure, you live off sina ave right? so that means we'll see each other walking down rose in the morning

20/02/2014 00:27

 

Jean Kirschtein

yup so i'll see you around 8 i guess? night freckles

20/02/2014 00:28

 

Marco Bodt

night jean, sleep well

20/02/2014 00:29

 

With that last message, I dropped my phone onto the floor next to my bed and let sleep claim me. 

* * *

 

I jolted awake as my mum pushed open my door and flicked on the light.

"Blurrghhh, what time is it?" I asked groggily. I made a show of wriggling around in my bed and pulling the duvet higher over my head and leaving my feet exposed.

"Quarter to Eight, my lovely." My mum shuffled closer to my bed and put down a mug of steaming vanilla latte onto my bedside table. Still I refused to leave my blankety nest and I didn't notice that she had moved from my side to end of my bed. I felt a feather light touch on my instep and giggled at the sensation. More fingers assaulted my feet and I kicked and thrashed in order to get away, all the while hysterical laughter was bubbling up in my throat and threatening to come out. It burst out as Mum came up onto the bed and full on tickled me. I was gasping for breath and tears were streaming freely down my face. 

"Mercy, Mother Mercy. Oh god please stop.... Mum I'm gonna wee... please!!!!" I chanted over and over again to try and make her stop.

"Say the magic words Marco. That's all you have to do." Mum positively cackled and she continued her attack.

The magic words game was something I insisted on playing all the time when I was younger, and now at the age of 17 it had just stuck as a thing that my mum and I do. She just basically tickles me until I say some sort of reverent sentence about her. 

I wheezed and hit the bed with my arms, " You're the best mum ever and I love you so much!" Her relentless tickling continued as she asked me to carry on. " And I'm a giant baby who can't even make his own coffee in the mornings!!!" I practically shrieked.

That satisfied her and she gave my chest one more poke before she sat up. "Right then, hurry up and get ready or you'll be late for school." Mum smiled sweetly, and left my room but not after she had thoroughly ruffled my already awful bedhead and taken a huge swig of my coffee.

* * *

 

20 minutes later, I was rushing out of my front door and calling out to my Mum to have a good day. I sighed and made my way down to the road. My bus to school wasn't coming for another 10 minutes so I had plenty of time to make my way down the hill to the stop. I had only walked a few paces from the door, when the realisation hit me. I had agreed to meet Jean this morning. The thought sent my heart all of a flutter and my face grew warm. Jean's house was only a little way down but a long drive set his house back away from the road. I set off walking towards his house as I sent him a quick message.

 

Marco Bodt

hey, you still wanna walk down together?

20/02/2014 08:03

 

I got a reply almost immediatley.

 

Jean Kirschtein 

yeh sure, i'll be waitng outside in like 2 mins

20/02/2014 08:03

 

Marco Bodt

see you in a few

20/02/2014 08:04

 

With that, I set off down the road in the direction of Jean's house. My heart was fluttering like a small bird in a storm but I knew it was worth it. I would be getting to talk to Jean again in person and I hopefully wouldn't make a complete ass of myself. I wiped my sweaty hands onto the front of my huge fisherman's jumper, and then again on the black denim of my jean's and concentrated my gaze on the brown leather shoes slapping the ground repeatedly as I made my way to Jean. 

Before I knew it, I heard Jean calling out to me, "Jeez Marco what did your shoes do to you?"

My head snapped up and I smiled sheepishly. "Nothing...umm how are you feeling now?"

"Great thanks, sleep really does cure everything." We started walking and he roughly jabbed me in the ribs with his pointy elbow.

" 'M not boring you again am I? You look awful down." I glanced over at him in his Trost Grammar uniform, blazer and all, and smiled to myself.

"No I'm fine, still a bit tired that's all." He nodded curtly and looked away.

We walked in companionable silence and I kept on looking over at him. He had his hair slicked back showing off more pale skin and I noticed he had his left ear pierced. One single gold loop glinting in the morning sunlight. His dress shirt collar was open, which gave me a tantalising glimpse of his collar bone. The green tie hung loose around his neck and he occasionally tugged at it, as if it was causing him discomfort. Black Van's scuffed the pavement as we walked. I lifted my gaze and I thought I caught his eyes watching me, but it was probably my imagination. I ran a hand through my hair and let out a huge breath. 

I jumped when he started talking, " You're lucky you get to wear whatever you want to college. I'm still stuck with a stupid uniform."  _Oh so that's why he was looking at me._

"I'd prefer it if we had a uniform at Sina. It would make it easier in the mornings." I told him honestly.

"I didn't know you had an earring."

He smirked. And if that wasn't the most attractive thing ever then I don't know what could top it. _Maybe seeing him naked, sprawled out under you, moaning and writhing as you take his..._  No. Not now. What was I even thinking. He was stood right next to me! Ahh the troubles of being a sex deprived seventeen year old male. Well, nearly seventeen. 

"Yeah well, I took it out last night. Having my earlobe ripped wasn't on my to do list last night."

"Yeah makes sense." The easiness of last night's chatter was long gone. The conversation was stilted and awkward. I hated every second of it. Every second I was talking to him, I felt like such an idiot. It made me wonder why I was even bothering. I hated myself for not being able to talk normally to him. I wanted this painfully awkward experience to be over as soon as possible. 

I was saved by the bus. It pulled up to the stop while I was still at least 100m away. 

"Oh crap. It's the bus. Jean I gotta go. Like now. Bye!!" Before he could reply I was sprinting down the road. 

I made it to bus just in time. I sunk into the grotty seat and pulled out my equally grotty Ipod and headphones. Having two younger siblings, one of which had their own horse meant I had to forgo the luxuries of new phones, laptops and Ipods. The last song I was listening came playing softly through the speakers.

 

_Well I can't make you blush using words alone_

_Why climb up to your window when you've got a phone_

_I swear we're not quite the charmers that they were_

 

I tried to clear my mind and relax. But all the way to school, my mind was plagued with thoughts of Jean.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same as last time, if you don't get anything give us a bell ^-^


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